Insert Witty Title Here
by Mird
Summary: For reasons that are irrelevant to the plot, Abby saves Al from hijackers. AlxOC Parody, crackfic. Do you really think I'd ever write REAL AlxOC? Ha. Yeah. Right. -oneshot-


**I make fun of EdxOC a lot, but AlxOC is even worse. So here's the parody you've all been waiting for:**

Insert Witty Title Here

For reasons that are irrelevant to the plot, Al is traveling from Resembool to Central without his brother.

Suddenly, the train that he is riding is attacked by hijackers.

The hijackers are, without explanation, extremely strong. So strong, in fact, that Alphonse can't defeat them. The hijackers corner Al for a reason that is irrelevant to the plot, and the plot (which also happens to be irrelevant to the plot) becomes clear.

A girl attacks the hijackers, flying through the air like a blue blur. She's small, like Ed (Insert unnecessary comment from inexperienced author here) and wears her hair in braids, like Ed, and has gold eyes and blonde hair, like Ed.

The fight goes fast because of the speed of the Mysterious Girl, thus eliminating any need for details. It would probably just be based off of a video game battle, anyways.

"Hello," said the girl when she was done beating up the bad guys. She grinned widely. "My name's Abby Elegale. What's your name?"

"Alphonse Elric," said Al. The two of them sat down next to each other. Conveniently, there was no one else in the car.

"Why do you wear armor?" she asked innocently.

"Well, girl-I-just-met," began Al. "Since you saved me, that obviously makes you completely trustworthy, so I'll tell you all the secrets of my past and the feelings that I've kept hidden from everyone, including my brother, because love-at-first-sight has a deeper trust relationshit than a lifetime of memories with the closest person to me in the world."

Abby nodded. "All right. Go on."

"When I was ten, my brother and I attempted human transmutation. I feel completely comfortable telling you this because you are pretty and that means that you won't turn me in, even though it's against the law and my brother would have to leave the military and give up all hope of returning us to our original bodies. He lost his left leg and I lost my entire body trying to bring our mom back. He traded his right arm for my soul and attached it to this suit of armor. The only thing keeping me in this world is this blood seal." He lifted his helmet to show her the red circle inside. "You know my weak spot, but because you are young, sweet, nice and female, you will not try to use this to your advantage."

"Oh, Alphonse, I know how you feel," Abby said sadly, tears brimming in her violet orbs- contradictions to previously mentioned physical descriptions are perfectly fine in fanfiction. "I have also attempted human transmutation. Because a coincidence such as two people who have both broken the same taboo meeting each other is completely likely and perfectly ordinary. My right leg and left arm are automail, and I'm searching for the philosopher's stone to return myself to my original body."

_Cue Random Timeskip!_

_Al and Abby's relationshit blossomed rapidly over the next few months. At first, Ed didn't approve of his brother's girlfriend,- Because of course they would hook up after confiding in each other, and the tacky sub-plot of Ed not liking her makes the story so much more enjoyable- but he soon realized that they were inseparable and really, truly loved each other._

_When Alphonse got his body back, Abby was the first to congratulate him at the hospital. Not even Ed got there before her._

_One thing led to another (the Almighty Detail-Avoidance Line) and now Al and Abby live in a large house in Resembool, happily married, with seven kids, three cats, two dogs, eleven goldfish, four parrots, nine mice and a cow._

The End

**I swear to god, SOMEONE must have noticed, but no one ever points it out...So, here's my two super-special-magical secrets:**

**1) I use the word 'orb' at every possible opportunity in crackfics.**

**2) Whenever the word relationship is required, I use the word relationshit. (Sometimes even when it's not crack...)**


End file.
